Dear Diary, I got engaged!

Dear Diary,

I had been trying to be good and stick to writing and posting to my blog at least once a week but I think that may have been too ambitious of me...

Although I've still mostly been recovering at home from surgery, I have been keeping myself pretty busy. The united states is currently in a disarray. Every day since the new president was elected has been some new form of hell on earth. My empathy has been exploding and it's been hard to turn off the news. I had to give myself a time limit for being on social media and the news to protect my sanity. Something I proimised myself though is that I'm going to start doing more than just screaming on the internet, into the abyss. I need to take actionable steps to advocate for others and stand up for what I believe in. Oner of my year 2025 "Ins" was more volunteer, advocacy, and civil rights work. I started this past month by attending and participating in a protest at the Indiana Statehouse. It wore me out since I attended it only 5 weeks after having literal brain surgery but I was able to participate for over 2 hours. It felt so good to be connected with like-minded people and stand up for what I believe to be basic human rights.

It blows my mind how some people can turn a blind eye to what is going on right in front of them. Like a horse with blinders on, never seeing the bigger picture. I've cut out friends and family members in an instant because it became clear that our values obviously don't align. It isn't about political party this time. I've never prayed more in my life than I have in the past few weeks.

On a lighter note, I'll be going back to work in two days and I couldn't be more excited. I've been working since I was 14 years old and this is the longest break I've ever had from it. It's been almost 4 1/2 months since I've been in my office. I miss feeding into my passion by helping others and trying my best to make a difference each day. I've been keeping up with my schoolwork this entire time and each time I learn a new technique or intervention that I love, I want to go try it out at work. Thankfully, I'll be back in the game soon enough. I know it will be mentally and emotionally exhausting as I get used to seeing a full caseload each week again so I do have some nervousness. So far I haven't had any migraines since the surgery though so I'm hoping that trend continues. The company I work for had been so accommodating, patient, and supportive through the whole process and it's made this whole shitshow so much easier for me. I'm also excited to be able to make some money again!

Yesterday was Valentine's day and it was also the day that I went from plain ol' "girlfriend" to "fiancé"!!! Dalton finally proposed to me! I wasn't sure he'd be able to surprise me because I notice everything and he has a tendency to get really anxious about things. I had a couple hints though because two weeks before he asked me on a date and I thought that must be when he was going to do it. He even went to the mall and said he "had to order me something for my birthday". My alarm bells went off so I painted my nails and made sure to wear a cute outfit. My birthday is 4 months away and the ring store is at the mall. However, he didn't end up proposing that night. Come to find out later on that he had planned to but wasn't able to get the ring in time. After Piper got home from school Friday, we gave each other our Valentine's gifts. The day before he was saying how Piper and I are going to be "sooooooo excited" for Valentine's day which again, raised proposal alarms. Why would we be "sooooooo excited" for chocolates? But we gave each other our gifts and no ring! So I thought "oh no maybe he really is waiting until my birthday...". It was Piper's Dad's weekend so we drove the hour and a half to WarCo and the hour and a half back (also grabbed Raising Cane's) and then were finally home. I walked in to candles and rose petals forming a walkway through our kitchen and into our dining room. I couldn't see what was around the corner and I was SO. CONFUSED.

Here was my thought process entirely leading up to him getting down on one knee:

"How did this happen?

We were both gone, how did this happen?

How did he do this?

Oh my god did he do it before he left?! What if the house had burnt down?!

Oh wait maybe he did something cute for Valentine's day?

There's Erika's purse, she probably came in and did this-

OH MY GOD HE IS PROPOSING!!!"

I followed the trail of pink petals and white tea light candles through the kitchen and around the corner to find the love of my life, down on one knee, holding a ring, and the words "MARRY ME" lit up behind him.

Finally.

Finally, finally! I say finally because I have waited so long to have my happy ending. After going through all that I have and then being a single mom for several years, this is what I've longed for. I wanted a man who was going to be kind to me, put my first, and always take care of Piper and I and that's exactly what I got. I'm filled to the brim with happiness. I mean we do live together and are pretty much married in a sense but its the meaning, love, and commitment behind it that takes it to that next level for me. I've also said I'd never have another baby until I'm married in fear of having to do pregnancy all alone again so after I'm hitched, we can start working on having a Dalton Jr. or Kierstin Jr. I'm so grateful and happy.

Although the country is on fire and our rights are being taken away more each day, it's important to find the big and small things to be grateful for. Find the silver linings so you don't lose your fucking mind.